Help is Needed

Dr. Andy reflects on Minneapolis

I remember well when my son Jukie underwent double eye surgery for ptosis repair. Just three years old, he didn’t understand what was going on, he emerged from surgery looking like a vanquished prizefighter, and he desperately wanted to rip out the stitches that were holding together his new eyelids. He initially needed ointment placed in and on his eyes every two hours, around the clock, so that he could heal.

Jukie’s surgery took place in the same March of 2004 that my father passed away and that one of my positions at UC Davis was eliminated, so my family and I were feeling stressed, grief-stricken, and overwhelmed. Round the clock caretakers, we were also severely under-slept.

But we were not alone. So many people came to our aid, mostly by bringing us dinners. I remember our daughter’s favorite teacher, Fairfield School’s Barbara Neu, coming to our front door with the largest-possible homemade vegetarian lasagna, staying for just 30 seconds and saying as she left that others from Fairfield, including PTA members we didn’t even know, would bring more meals that week. Eventually we had to tell our friends at school that our refrigerator was full, and that we were having trouble eating our way through all the donated meals, even with my wife Kate’s mom, Jo, visiting from Chicago to help care for Jukie.

Jukie’s eyelids recovered. His surgeon, to whom we are forever grateful, told us that the surgery may have to be repeated every five to seven years as Jukie grew older and bigger. Still traumatized, we couldn’t imagine going through that ordeal again. Because of the surgeon’s skill and Jukie’s resilience, we didn’t have to. His life has been scalpel-free since then.

Schools are the foundations of many communities because of the friendships made by our children and grandchildren. The best schools encourage play, collaborative learning, and sustained kindness and inclusion, so friendships inevitably result. As Maria Montessori said, “Play is the work of the child.”

This month, families are again relying on school-based networks for survival. Families in distress are turning to their neighbors for support, just as our family did when we were facing hardship and uncertainty. Consider the article “My Neighbors Are Hungry,” published this morning on the website “Stand with Minnesota”:

“My neighbors are hungry, scared and at risk of eviction.

Before winter break I joined other parents at our elementary school PTO to plan a food distribution effort for families who weren’t able to leave home to work or get groceries.

At first, our list was small. As the weeks went on, the list grew and grew.

This weekend we delivered food to 5x as many families as we did in December.

For the first time, several boxes went missing from doorsteps before the intended recipients got the boxes inside their homes. Their neighbors, who likely don’t have connections to folks able to help, were desperate, hungry, and likely took the food they saw because the alternative was not knowing if/when they’d be able to eat again.

We got new boxes out to our school families, but it’s gut wrenching to think about how many neighbors are sheltering in place at home without someone to check on them, bring them food, do their laundry, get them to medical appointments, and help them with rent.

My neighbors are hungry, and I can’t help all of them. My neighbors are scared, and I can only assure them so much - there is no promise of safety in this environment. My neighbors are at risk of eviction, and I can only fundraise so many households’ worth of rent. The needs are overwhelming, but we are doing everything we can to help as many neighbors as possible. We need more resources and more help.”

The article concludes with this plea for help and link: “Help us keep our neighbors and my children’s classmates fed.” The link brings one to the PayPal page for the Lyndale Community School Foundation in Minneapolis.

Community care precedes and supersedes politics. PTA members did not ask for families’ papers before offering them food, for all those children and those who care for them were welcomed and loved by their local communities. I agree with Franklin Delano Roosevelt when he said, “Remember, remember always, that all of us, and you and I especially, are descended from immigrants and revolutionists.”

And although I rarely agreed with Ronald Reagan when we lived just a couple miles from each other in the 1980s, I do appreciate that he said, “Our nation is a nation of immigrants. More than any other country, our strength comes from our own immigrant heritage and our capacity to welcome those from other lands.”

I’m grateful to the activists, parents, PTAs and everyday citizens in the Twin Cities and across Minnesota who have been organizing to defend these foundational principles of our nation of immigrants.

I invite you to support their efforts.

P.S. Speaking of community building, kindness, and mutual support, the following words come from Maria Breaux, the sister of the Davis “Compassion Guy,” David Breaux:

Hello, friends, family, and compassionistas!

A new idea’s been brewing—and it’s ready to be served.

To celebrate David’s 53rd birthday, we’re doing something a little different. To honor his legacy, bring people together, and continue his compassion mission, we’re launching the first official Compassion Cafe.

· When is it? Monday, February 16th, from 10 am to noon (although his official bday is on the 26th)

· Where is it? Cloud Forest Cafe at 222 D St in Davis, California

· What is it? Two hours to gather, share your definition of compassion electronically via tablet and/or a story of compassion via video, eat, drink, and make merry

· Why is it? We’re also supporting independent cafes, gathering community, raising awareness of compassion, and co-creating a kind and empathetic space

· How much is it? Nothing! Zero, zilch, free.

Come as you are, bring a friend, spend time with good people.

Can’t wait to celebrate David and continue his important work together.

With compassion,

Maria

P.S. Who knows? If Compassion Cafe gains traction, we can bring it to other cities, work with local Chambers of Commerce on a Compassion Map that identifies places that have taken a Compassion Cafe Pledge of Kindness, develop partnerships with like-minded organizations, or—many possibilities!

“The only way to survive is by taking care of one another.”

– Grace Lee Boggs

I appreciate Maria continuing David’s legacy of compassion awareness in Davis. Find Maria Breaux on Substack:

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Edith Sitwell said that “Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire: it is the time for home.”

For more Pub Quiz fun, please subscribe via Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/c/yourquizmaster.

I also want to recognize those who visit my Substack the most often, including Michael (thanks Michael!), Luna, Jean, Ron, Myrna, Maria, to whom I send sustained compassion.

Best,

Dr. Andy

Here are three questions from last week’s Pub Quiz. If you are reading these, plan to join us every Wednesday at 7 at Sudwerk in Davis.

1. Science. Would one encounter the term “redshift” in astrophysics, biology, or psychology?

2. Books and Authors. One of the most famous American poems of the 19^th century, “Paul Revere’s Ride,” was written by what poet who is rarely studied in college classrooms today?

3. Current Events – Names in the News. Which AI company recently announced that it is rolling out an age prediction model to help it identify accounts that belong to users under 18: Alphabet, Anthropic, OpenAI, X?